Where I'm Supposed To Be
by She's a Star
Summary: An early morning walk stirs up old memories for Harry.


Where I'm Supposed To Be  
  
by She's a Star  
  
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to the brilliant JK Rowling.  
  
~*~  
  
  
It was early.  
The sun was just beginning to rise, causing the blanket of snow that had covered the grounds of Hogwarts to shimmer and sparkle.   
He inhaled deeply, the cold rushing into his lungs and chilling his whole body.   
It didn't bother him.  
He was already always cold.  
Thin wisps of mist appeared as he exhaled, then disappeared into the air. It was a strange feeling, to be the only one outside on grounds as big as those that Hogwarts had. It made him feel tiny, insignificant. A speck that could never amount to anything, whether he was The Boy Who Lived or not.  
After all, he shouldn't have lived.  
Not when Cedric had died.  
Ron had still been sleeping soundly when he left, snoring and occasionally muttering things like, "I don't like Hermione!" and "Shove off! She's my FRIEND!"  
Harry had smirked at that.   
Suuuure, Ron, he thought as he quickened his pace. We all believe you there.  
He wasn't sure where he was going. Just...somewhere.  
He couldn't shake the feeling that maybe if he walked fast enough, he would leave all the guilt behind him.  
As if there's a chance of that happening, he thought with a short laugh.  
Suddenly a small creature jumped out in front of him, and he practically lost his balance and fell into the soft snow. It was a unicorn, full-grown but still a bit small. Harry hadn't noticed it before, since its fur was the exact glistening color of the snow.  
The unicorn stared up at him with timid, fearful eyes for a moment before running away from him and towards the Forbidden Forest.  
Harry stared after the unicorn for a moment, then continued walking, this time towards the lake, which was all iced over and also shining in the sun. Professor Dumbledore had been announcing each morning at breakfast that the students weren't allowed to attempt standing on the lake-the ice wasn't thick enough yet.  
"If you are not careful," Professor Dumbledore had said solemnly each morning, "A life could be lost."  
That had been the mistake...he hadn't been careful, when he told Cedric to take the cup with him. Hadn't expected anything but victory. How foolish, how idiotic, how STUPID he'd been!  
It had been months, but he couldn't forget.  
How were you supposed to forget a death that was your fault?  
As he drew closer to the lake, he thought he heard a soft voice speaking. Squinting his eyes so he wouldn't be blinded by the sun, he tried to detect where the voice was coming from, but saw no one.  
"I'm probably just hearing things," he muttered to himself.  
But there it was again...a bit louder this time, so that Harry could make out a few of the words.  
"Love you...miss you...can't take it...going to die...need you..."  
Confused, Harry once again studied the grounds, and caught something his eyes had overlooked before. A figure, all dressed in white, was standing very close to the lake, as though they were about to attempt walking across it.  
"Need you...miss you so much...can't live...coming to be with you...have to take my life..."  
A sinking realization washed over Harry.   
The figure on the lake was trying to kill themself.  
He began to walk faster, and soon his walk had turned into a run. As he ran, fear filled his entire body. He couldn't let someone else die...  
When he finally reached them, he couldn't find any words to say.  
"I can't go on, I can't do this, I just can't...not without you. I love you, I miss you so much," the voice was louder, clearer now, and vaguely familiar. "I have to be with you, Cedric...."  
Cho.  
She took one step forward, and Harry's stomach churned as the ice cracked.  
"Cho!" Harry shouted.  
She gasped and turned around, her hand on her heart.  
"Harry," she said, her voice no louder than a whisper as she walked off of the ice.  
Harry sighed inwardly, relieved.  
"Erm...what are you doing out here?" Harry asked, deciding to play dumb.   
Cho was silent, and instead of facing him she turned and stared out at the lake again.  
"I miss him so much."  
Her voice was thick, as though she were holding back tears.  
"It's just...not fair, that you finally meet the one you're destined to be with, and then they get taken away from you," she said softly.  
"I know," Harry said, mostly because he couldn't think of anything else to say. "And I know everyone's probably told you this at least three times by now, but Cedric wouldn't want you to be depressed...he'd want you to, you know, move on."  
As soon as Harry said it, he could have slapped himself. It sounded as though he were just telling her that she should like him now, and that wasn't what he meant at all. Over the summer, everything he'd felt for her had disappeared. It just wouldn't work-too much guilt, too many memories.  
And there were other fish in the sea that Harry was currently more interested in catching.  
Redhaired-rather-pretty-very-sweet-younger-sister-of-his-best-friend sorts of fish.  
"I know I should move on, I know he wants me to," Cho said. "But I just...can't."  
"You'll be able to someday," Harry said. He wasn't sure where the words were coming from...he just wanted to keep her from stepping back onto that barely frozen lake.  
Wanted it so badly.  
He couldn't be responsible for another death.  
"I hope so," Cho said softly, then turned and looked at him. "Thanks, Harry."  
"Any time," he said, smiling weakly. Cho did the same, and then, to Harry's great surprise, enveloped him into a quick hug. He knew that if this had happened last year his heart would be racing, his senses working rapidly so he could memorize just the way she smelled, just the way her hair felt as it brushed quickly against his cheek.  
But it didn't really matter to him anymore.  
"What do you say we head back up to the castle for breakfast?" Harry suggested.  
Cho took one last look out at the lake almost longingly, but then turned back to him with a smile. "Okay."  
They both continued back up to the castle together, an awkward silence filling the air. It wasn't something that could be fought, or covered by meaningless chatter. It was just the way things were always supposed to be between them.   
The way things always would be.  
In what seemed like forever, they reached the castle doors. Just as Harry was about to open them, they swung open, revealing Ron, Hermione, and Ginny.   
"Harry, there you are!" Ron exclaimed. "We were wondering where you went!"  
He noticed Cho, then gave Harry an overexaggerated wink. Harry glared at him, then said, "Bye, Cho."  
"Bye, Harry," Cho replied, then disappeared into the castle.  
"So, I figured we could squeeze in a quick snowball fight before breakfast," Ron said with a devious grin. "Beat these girls...it'd be a piece of cake."  
"I wouldn't be so sure, Ronald Weasley," Hermione said, her tone competitive. Harry had a feeling that Ron would be sorry.  
Ginny was standing quietly, eyeing Harry.   
"Harry," she said softly, "Can we take a walk for a minute?"  
"Ooooh, trouble in paradise," Ron taunted.  
Hermione glared daggers at him and hissed, "Do you EVER shut UP?!"  
"Sure," Harry said, ignoring his best friends as they began another bickering match.  
They began to walk, Ginny's arm brushing against Harry's every so often. The silence between them wasn't awkward, but instead filled with unasked questions.  
After they'd walked for about five minutes, though it seemed much longer, Ginny finally spoke up. "What were you doing out here with Cho?"  
"Nothing...just...talking," Harry said, not sure he wanted to tell Ginny that Cho had been trying to kill herself.  
"You can tell me if you were..." Ginny's cheeks flushed a deep crimson. "Um...doing what Ron said you were doing. I don't mind...I don't want you to feel like you're binded to me or anything."  
"No, I wasn't, we were just talking," Harry said sincerely. Ginny looked at him skeptically.  
"Honest," Harry said. "I wouldn't lie to you...we were just talking...about Cedric."  
Ginny's expression immediately softened, and she murmured, "Oh, Harry."  
She then threw her arms around him.   
She smelled softly of peppermint, and her red hair felt like silk as it brushed against his cheek.  
Harry patted her on the back and smiled.  
This was where he was supposed to be.  
  
  
A/N: Odd? Yes, I agree. I didn't really like this one. Sappy, cliche, plotless, out of character. But....REVIEW ANYWAY! *hehe* Unless it's flames. Which I predict I will get a lot of for this story. Oooh, ahhh, I'm the next Professor Trelawney. 


End file.
